Wake up
One of my favorite movies is Donnie Darko. It starts with a voice telling Donnie to “wake up”. As we learn throughout the movie there has been a rift in time/space and it is up to Donnie to put things right. Donnie needs to “wake up” to see what needs to be done to fix the past and restore the present. I know, kind of out there, but one of my favorites still. The premise of going back and doing something different that results in a different present has been in the back of my head all week. I really want to wake up and find this has all been an elaborate dream, er nightmare.
99 has been hanging in there. She is eating a bit more and drinking plenty of water. It’s clear she is in a lot of pain. She can’t lift her head when she walks and can barely make it up and down the stairs to go out and do her thing. Her swelling has not gone down any. It is really painful just to look at. She is, of course, a dignified lady and is carrying herself that way. I know that on the inside she’s in pain. The tears in her eyes are a giveaway. I spend a lot of time on the floor laying next to her and just scratching the top of her head. Last night she kissed my hand, and she even barked at one point, which I took as a good sign. We’re going to take it slow and hope that she’ll get back to her old self in time. The vet has warned me that she is old and may never be fully how she was before the attack. I don’t care. As long as I haven’t lost her, I’m happy.
Through all of this, Max has been a champ. It’s pretty clear that he knows something is not right. I’ve been keeping him separated from 99 so that she doesn’t strain herself. He doesn’t like that. He is such a sweet guy, though. Yesterday, I was working in the office and I heard him whining from the bedroom. I went in and he was sitting on the floor whining, looking up at the TV. I realize that I had not turned it on, which I normally do. I turned it on, and he started waging his tail, jumped up in the bed, settled down with his head on the pillow and proceeded to watch TV. He sleeps with me at night and always cuddles up next to me for some belly rubs. When I can’t control the tears, he is there to kiss them away, always patting me on the head with his paw. He is really a bright spot in my life.
The whole situation with Chief still seems like a bad dream that I want to end. Little things remind me of him. I haven’t had the heart to break down his crate or put away his food and water bowls. I started to yesterday but just couldn’t do it. Time….more time….. Today I picked up my keys and his collar with his tags got caught on them and fell on the floor at my feet. Everywhere there are reminders. And so, in many ways, I wish I were Donnie Darko and could make things alright again. Wish I could make some sacrifice that would bring back Chief and make 99 whole and healed. But that’s the movies, not reality. So instead, I’ve got to do it the hard way. I’ve got to just take it a day at a time. I’m not unfamiliar with the concept, just not always patient enough to let the healing occur at its own pace. Still, I’ve got 99 and Max and for that I am grateful. The rest is just up to the universe.
I have also been sad to know of Chris’ baby, Brutis. He’s been very sick in the vet hospital at UF and they still don’t know what’s wrong. I really feel for Chris and for Brutis. He is a lot like Chief, lots of energy, lots of love, and always has a smile (you really can tell when they are smiling). I hope that Brutis has a speedy recovery for his sake and Chris’.
